You already know who it is

I’ll just repeat this just in case you didn’t read the title of this post, insomnia is a b*tch!  I’ve probably written about my insomniatic episodes in the past, but I can’t remember because I’ve finally gotten over myself and stopped reading my own blog postings.   (Quick side note, I checked the spelling of ‘insomniatic’ online and I found out it’s also the title of some teen pop duo’s, Aly & AJ, second album.  Check the link & see their album cover below.  For some reason their album cover makes me laugh!  By just looking at these two, I’m hard pressed to believe they’re having issues sleeping at night.  How old are these two?  Like 14??  I’m getting old.  But I digress….)

Ok, back to what I’m about to get back to, for those of you who didn’t know, those of you who kinda knew and the rest who already knew – I’m a snob.  Yes, I’m a straight up freakin snob!  However, let me quickly clarify, I’m not a “I look down at people” kinda snob.  I’m more like the “there’s no way you’d catch me doing that” kinda snob.   Allow me to explain….

Exhibit A

I absolutely, positively, unequivocally HATE wallymart!!!  It’s the worst place ever!  Now, let me set a few things straight.  I do not hate the people who work there, I don’t hate the value shopping it provides families and I don’t hate the jobs it provides people.  However, besides that, I hate everything else about it!  Now here’s one major clue into how much I dislike this place – I use the word “hate” to describe it.  For those of you who know me well, if you think back over our many, many conversations, you’ll realize that I almost never use the word “hate” as an adjective.  When I was very young, my mother told me that “hate” is a very strong word and it should not be used lightly.  For some reason, that stuck with me so, I only use the word for special occasions and this diatribe about slimemart is the lucky recipient!

First of all, the place is dirty!  From the parking lot to all throughout the store.  Is it me or does it always seem like someone just finished changing their oil in the parking lot??  Then the store is just dark.  Have any of you ever noticed that even on a cloudy day, it’s brighter outside than it is inside the store??  I also have a problem with the way they cram as much stuff as possible into every square inch of the store.  I understand that it makes good business sense, but it also creates a bad customer experience, at least for me and my fellow snobs.

So you’re all probably asking, “if you hate it so much, why do you go there?”  And my answer is:  I had stopped going there, but I decided to give it one last shot recently.  Last week, I needed to buy a color printer so, I checked online for the best deals.  Of course, Grossmart had the best deals going on so, I took my value conscious behind over there.  I find the printer…decent price… ready to checkout.  The person behind the counter was halfway decent with me, but she somehow managed to squeeze the F-bomb into our 2 minute exchange at the register.  Still don’t understand how or why that happened, but it did and I have moved on.

I get home and the damn printer doesn’t work right!!!  WTF!!  It’s chewing up my paper!!  WTF!  After checking over the product, I figured out what the root of my problem – it’s wasn’t that the printer was defective – It was because I bought it from WACKMART!!!!!!  If I had bought it anywhere else, I GUARANTEE it would have worked perfectly!!!  See, this is what I get for going against what I truly believe in – Dirtmart is for suckas!

Next day I follow my mind (and heart) and take take myself to Target!!!  People, as I’ve mentioned in the past, I’m not the most emotional guy in the world but, I HEART TARGET!!!  (And for the record, I’m not one of those clowns who calls it Tar-jay.)  As much as I loathe Grimemart, I love Target even more.  It’s like the best place ever!  First of all, the parking lot is clean!  No oil changes here!  Target has proven to me that they actually understand how to draw people into their store.  I’m a marketing guy so, I pay attention to sh*t like this.  Obviously, RED is their dominant color – which is vibrant and actually makes the store look good.  When you walk inside, the store is clean and brightly lit so, I can actually see where the hell I’m going!  Merchandise is spread out strategically throughout the store – I actually have room to maneuver with my shopping cart!  So I grab my printer (which works like a charm!), go thru checkout and I even managed to get out of the store without the guy behind the register dropping the F-bomb on me!  Crazy, huh?

See, I’m not such a bad snob, I just understand and enjoy quality – and I won’t settle for less!  To quote whoever the great person was who said this “If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything!”  Truer words have not been spoken!  (Except for maybe Miller High Life being the “Champagne of Beers.”   That’s a very true statement too!  Hmmm…this is tough.. we’ll have to debate this later.)

Ohhh…and to just top it all off, Target has GREAT advertising!  Again, I’m a marketing guy so I enjoy this sh*t.  The other store doesn’t really care about advertising so much, but I did notice some feeble attempts at an ad or two on tv this weekend.  not a fan.  So, for your viewing pleasure, here are some visuals of Target’s great advertising.  one.

(I grabbed most of these from flikr.  if you are the owner and want them removed, just let me know. or if you’re from fartmart and want to sue me, I ain’t scared!  I got Madoff money!)

This entry was posted on February 4, 2009 at 5:50 am and is filed under beats, design, Fly Sh*t, products, Uncategorized . You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.