my money too straight, I don’t walk wit a limp…

yo.  this post topic was sent in by big homie Malus Darkblade. he be on that wild sh*t.

Ex-Falcon Jamal Anderson was snorting coke off toilet bowl

mugja

Former Atlanta Falcons running back Jamal Anderson was arrested Sunday morning on suspicion of having suspected powder cocaine in his possession, Atlanta police said.


The incident occurred at the Peachtree Tavern in Atlanta’s Buckhead community.

Atlanta police spokesman Otis Redmond said an off-duty officer working security at the nightclub alerted police.

Police said that Anderson was caught snorting cocaine in a bathroom stall.

The arresting officer said he saw Anderson and another man snorting the drug off the toilet bowl.

Authorities said they also found a suspected marijuana cigarette in Anderson’s pocket.

Investigators said Anderson was accompanied by Mark Hudson, who was also arrested.

Both men were taken to Fulton County jail.

Anderson was charged with possession of cocaine and marijuana.

He has a court date set for 11 a.m. Monday.Anderson is perhaps best known for the celebratory “Dirty Bird” dance he and other players did after touchdowns.

Anderson helped the Atlanta Falcons go to the Super Bowl in 1998.

The Falcons lost to the Denver Broncos in the Super Bowl that season.

Former Falcons coach Dan Reeves told WSB-TV Channel 2 that he was disappointed by Anderson’s arrest.

Anderson left the team in 2001 after hurting his knee and later became an NFL analyst for ESPN.

When asked about Anderson’s arrest, ESPN e-mailed WSB-TV Channel 2 the following statement: “We just learned of this situation, and it is not appropriate for us to comment until we have more information.” (source)

Dude, are you serious?  I mean, I don’t do drugs so I can’t relate to that part of the story, but what I can speak to is that dude needs to be more discerning about the company he keeps.  Here’s a pic of the other jacka$$, Mark Daniel Hudson, who was arrested with him.

mark-hudson

The dude is 20.  JA is 36.  Just by looking at him, I know exactly how it all went down.  For those who don’t know about Jamal Anderson, he was a NFL player on the Falcons from the mid-90s to about 2001.  He was the running back on their Super Bowl team and also made the Pro Bowl one year.  If you still don’t know who he is, you’ve probably seen the “Dirty Bird” dance that he and this teammates made famous.  The NFL, not surprisingly, has a choke hold on their media content so, unfortunately I couldn’t find a video of the “Dirty Bird” dance, but if you’ve watched any sports over the last 10 years, I’m sure you seen it at least once.

So JA was in the bar chillin, drinkin, doing his local Atlanta celebrity thing and this dude is there with his friends and he says to them, “dude, that Jamal Anderson!”  So he and his friends go over and get chummy with JA.  JA knows that he has to hold onto his local celebrity status since there there are about 400,000 other local celebrities in Atlanta (I REFUSE to call it the ATL!!!) so, of course he’s going to hang with this guy and his friends.  After a while of drinking and telling his NFL groupie luv stories, JA & the kids are all thinking “Wow, this is pretty awesome!!!”  JA gets to relive his glory days and the kids are getting more Facebook stories than they could have ever imagined!

For those who don’t know, JA really hasn’t done much since injuries cut his NFL career short.  He did something on MTV but it looked so bad I couldn’t bring myself to watch it.  He also did some stuff on ESPN 2, but let’s face it ESPN 2 is nothing more than the ugly stepsister of ESPN.  Retired intramural flag football coaches have a good shot at getting a gig on ESPN 2.

So with these kids boosting JA’s ego up to Ric Flair levels, he was primed and ready to do something really, really retarded!  And guess what – Boom Goes the Dynamite – it happened!

Ol’ Marky tells JA he’s got some stuff, you know…a little nose candy… some blow…some f*ckin star-spangled powder that will make you CUM IN YOUR PANTS MAN!! So JA is like “HELL F*CKIN YEAH MAN!!!  LET”S DO IT!!!!” JA got so caught up in the moment that he had a flashback to his NFL days and really thought he was in that movie “Any Given Sunday” and he was about to go snort coke off a hooker’s tits.

Unfortunately, when they got to the bathroom, there were no hookers in site, but JA was so amped up he said “F*ck it, let’s snort this sh*t first and then we’ll go find us some hookers!”  Mean while, Lil’Marky is so excited that he’s about to do lines with JA that has already creamed his pants, but he figures that, at the very least, he can tell his buddies about how he watched JA bang some hookers after they did lines of coke together!  f*ckin awesome!  So into the stall they go….

This is where I have to break off the story and explain EXACTLY why they got caught.  You see all the dialogue between these two jerks I just typed out, right?  Well, instead of talking to each other in normal voices and trying to be halfway discreet about what they were about to go do – they were actually YELLING back and forth at each other because they were both HAMMERED OUT OF THEIR MINDS!!!!  I’m typically an obnoxious drunk as well so, this is something I can speak to.

The combo of JA the former NFL player and local Atlanta celebrity, Marky Mark the 20 yr. old & his friends and copious amounts alcohol (all on JA’s tab of course because he has to keep up appearances) was enough to probably get these guys thrown out of any bar in Atlanta that day.  However, you throw in the totally fabricated idea that they were about to sniff blow off a surgically enhanced, golden brown, 36DD tit flown in from Brazil and what you get is two men who have officially reached the point of ZERO RETURN!!!  All you can say is God Speed!  Back to the story…

So these two clowns are in the large handicap stall about to suck up some white stuff and whatever else is living and breathing on that toilet seat when…knock, knock, knock…it’s the Atlanta Police!  Thing is, these two were so retarded drunk that they didn’t realize that the guy who was walking behind them, the same guy they held the bathroom door for when they went inside and also the same guy they also gave high fives to as they both went into the handicap stall was an Atlanta Police Officer!!  All he did was listen for the sound of them Hoovering the purest Polvo Blanco found this side of the Panama Canal up their nostrils and they had punched their one way ticket downtown the the city jail.  Crazy how these things work out, huh?

Well, today’s news said that JA is out on bail and he’s currently meeting with his lawyers to figure this sh*t out.  Good luck buddy.

However, being the internet junkie that I am, I decided to do a little research to see what could have possibly lead up to this happening.  And thanks to the goodness that is the internet, I have found proof that we should have seen this coming a MILE AWAY!!!!

First off, lets start with dude back in his playing days.

ja-game-dayIf you’re a football fan, let’s think about this.  For a guy who only made one Pro Bowl and went to, but lost, the Super Bowl only once – he is a pretty popular player!  How he pulled that off I don’t know, but I can’t hate on him for that.  There have been plenty of one time Pro Bowlers, like Travis Henry, but I’m willing to bet that you wouldn’t recognize him if he walked past you?  (Except if he was walking with all 9 of his children!)

Even though Atlanta isn’t a pro-sports team friendly city (if you don’t know what I mean about pro-sports friendly city – visit Boston for 15 minutes and you’ll get the picture LOUD and CLEAR!!), a lot of pro athletes make it their off season home because of its plentiful extra-curricular activities.

extra

So I can only imagine how popular this dude was when he was at the top of his game and actually playing for the home team!  There are plenty of women (and men) who are willing to get knocked up and/or caught up in a sex scandal just to get a check, but dude somehow managed to survive that stage of his life without any major scandal.  But just based on the fact that dude was a pro athlete living and playing in Atlanta, the writing was clearly already on the wall!!!

Now dude’s playing days are over and he’s trying to find ways to stay socially relevant.  Like I mentioned earlier, he did the MTV and ESPN 2 things, but that’s not where people who know him would look for him.  Also, again like I said earlier, hosting on ESPN 2 is like the kiss of death for any player trying to stay relevant in the sports world during their post-playing days.  So he did the next best thing – hang out with former players who were actually really good when they played!

On the left is Hall of Famer Warren Moon and on the far right is Roger Craig.  Somehow Busta got into the mix, but I guess hanging with Busta never hurts!

Then JA figured another way to keep his name out there is to do the award show circuit.

Dudes suit is clean, but I think this is where we’re really beginning to see the signs of his popularity fading quickly.  Obviously he’s on stage at the Women’s Sports Foundation Awards, but dude knows that this is probably his first and last shot at an awards show.  So instead of playing it cool, he decide to play a little grab a$$ with the woman he’s presenting with!  Honestly, looking at both of their faces, there might have been a little more than grab a$$ going on behind that podium!  Looks like he’s concentrating REALLY HARD to “get one in” before he has to leave from behind the podium.  And is it me or doesn’t it look her eyes are about to roll back from euphoria in the next second or two?  Hey, why not!  Dude knew the deal – might as well get the most BANG for your buck while you’re still on top!

Alright, now THIS is the first major sign that it was nearing the end for dude.

250969740-mFor those who are unfamiliar, the other guy in the picture is Joey Fat-One (or Fatone) from N’Sync.   Com’on JA – you’re doing the boy band circuit now???  Damn man!!!  However, I have to give dude some credit because I’m pretty sure this was a great return to his groupie luv days of old.  I can’t hate on groupie luv.  If you can still get some groupie luv, more power to you brother!  Matter of fact – groupie luv has officially been approved!  (by chance if there any youalreadyknowwhoitis blog groupies out there – feel free to holla at me!!!  like I said, groupie luv has been approved!)

HOWEVER, the #1 sign of his demise is……… him wearing sunglasses inside!!! I have NEVER understood why people do this?  To be honest, I actually tried this once back in the day.  Thought I was real cool until I almost fell over some sh*t I didn’t see because I made everything look darker than it really was.  That’s what I get!  Sunglasses inside is probably the #1 most retarded thing you can do in life!!!!!!!!!

Like above, here’s more evidence that JA was about 30 seconds way from crashing and burning.

drunkjamal11drunkjamal22drunkjamal32drunkjamal42drunkjamal53

Anything look familiar??  Is the picture starting to come together?  I got these pics from DrunkAthlete.com Again, we have the 20-ish looking kids, JA paying for the alcohol and…..the sunglasses!!!  Recipe for DISASTER!!!  I read that the funniest part of this whole night was that JA got so wasted that right after they took the last picture, he fell off the bar stool and smack onto the floor!!!  They had to escort the guy out of the spot!  Hey, the man likes the sauce!  But I don’t get the 20-ish year old crowds though??? Dude, did you forget, you played PRO FOOTBALL!!!!  There are plenty of places in Atlanta where you can go and stand in the middle of the room, point and go home with whomever or whatever you want!  (You guys peep the dude rockin the Wu-Tang shirt?  That’s some vintage sh*t right there!!!  I haven’t seen one of those in years!!!)

Honestly, I know I railed on JA a lot, but I just don’t get how the man can be so dumb!!!  Seriously, 8 years after playing, he still managed to stay relevant and obviously have some fun in the process.  Then to flush is all down the toilet (pun intended) over some cocaine?  Just don’t get it man!  I’m one of those sports fans who do not deify athletes, nor do I think that they should get away stuff just because they can run and jump a bit faster & farther than the average person.  Everyone needs to be held accountable for their actions.  JA “seemed” to be a good dude.  However, I have to question your judgment and mental horsepower if you get yourself caught up in a situation as he did yesterday.  Regardless of the outcome, I wish the man the best in the future.

jamalandersonGood luck JA!

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